Sage, you have my curiosity piqued. First, let me say that anything run by cats immediately gets my approval. I adore cats. Planet of the Apes was fantastic, but Planet of the Cats will be martifilous!!! (yes, it’s my own made up word) I’m curious as to how Sarah and Gregor managed to commandeer the Book of Lyras. I am also anxious to see what kind of mischief these two get into and how they get out of it.
A question I’m dying to ask is…..Is the narrator a cat? He certainly seems to have the same attitude as a cat, ornery yet lovable, bossy but might have a sweet spot on the inside. We all know dogs have owners and cats have employees, so this narrator certainly fits the bill.
I love how you have made all the jesters and fools dogs, and since it’s a storybook centered on the lives of cats, of course the humans are their jesters as well!!
Finally, I adore your cover page. The lion mosaic is beautiful. It almost looks African!
This was a really great introduction, Sage. I will definitely be back to find out what’s gonna go down with Sarah and Gregor and the little ornery storyteller. Nice work!!
Sage, I like the design and layout of your site thus far! The lion picture on your home page is a unique touch!!
As far as your introduction, when I began to read it I thought how much more character it would have if you used a narrator or a first person voice. Then it came to the point where the narrator started to talk about themselves. So, I think it is great you are using one, but one suggestion I could make to you is maybe introduce your narrator first and then go into the details about Sarah and Gregor Strike. I feel like that would really pull readers into your site and make them more curious and interested right off the bat.
I also like the bit you used about the "hating curiosity" because that coupled with the titled of the site give a good indication your narrator is a cat! The tone of your narrator is very sassy and condescending, which I think is a very fitting tone for your narrator - so good job there!
I also think you have a great lead in into your first story, as well as the photo you used for it! Your graphics are looking really great!!
Overall, I think you are off to a great start on your storybook!
Sage, I’m so impressed with the way your pages look. I feel like I do alright with the stories I write for this course, but I don’t have the blogger know-how to make it all come together nicely and look great. Your storybook looks fantastic, though! When I read your title, I thought, ‘Aw, our bounty hunter friends are going to play with some kittens!’ Then I saw your image on your coverpage. I was then corrected into believing that some danger would probably be involved as the “Planet of Cats” probably contains some dangerous felines. Either way, this Book of Lyras sounds fantastic. My wife and I are pretty fond of our cat, Hamlet, so we are fans of his kind. A storybook full of stories of cats and their adventures sounds fantastic. I’m definitely curious to see what the bounty hunters do with the information from the book the “commandeered.” Side note, is the narrator a cat himself? The line about curiosity getting him in trouble led me to that conclusion, since cats often get into trouble due to their overactive curiosity. Last thing: I did notice that on your sidebar navigation panel thingy the Introduction link does not spell out the whole word. It just says “Introd…” Perhaps it would be best to modify this so that it will show the whole word, or shorten it to say “Intro.” Just a suggestion. Overall, I think your storybook looks great and will be a lot of fun to read.
First off, I have to say the storybook idea you have come up with is very creative and unique! I liked the style of your introduction. It was a nice combination of the narrator simply narrating as well as interacting with the reader. I thought it was very humorous towards the end when the narrator was almost harassing the reader and calling us a little twerp!
Also, I really like all of the images you selected. They are each unique in their own way! While the image on the cover page is slightly intimidating, the images on the introduction and the first story almost remind me of something I would see on a t-shirt from Spencer’s or Hot Topic. Either way, I like them all!
As far as your first story goes, I think you did a very nice job. There was just enough detail to set the scenes, but not so much that it was overwhelming to read. I really enjoyed the way all the characters interacted with each other. Sarah and Gregor’s conversations and interactions with each other remind me of how my older brother and me treat each other! I also liked the dialogue back and forth between Sarah and Swift Shadow. You did a nice job breaking up their bantering questions so it was easy to keep track of exactly who was speaking.
Overall I think you did a nice job. I am definitely intrigued!
Sage, you have a really great storybook going! Firstly, I seriously love the homepage. It is wonderful how the colors contrast and the picture of the lion is fascinating! As for your intro, I thought it was great how the author is kind of sarcastic. I actually was wondering who exactly was telling this story, and I love the answer you gave! I think it really makes the reader want to finish out the book, if nothing else just to find out who the author is! Now I'm going to be trying to figure out who it is haha. I love the idea of having the planet of lions. I like the Planet of the Apes so much, and I feel like this may allude to it so that makes me really excited. You tell your initial story wonderfully by the way. I like the dialogue and I felt like you painted a really clear picture of what was going on, I followed it the whole way! The only thing I wish I had a little clearer picture of was the setting. I imagine it's a wooded area they landed in, but I'd like to know how it compares to our forested area, like is it a rainforest, or more of a savanna type setting, etc. Anyways, I was intrigued the entire time and I felt like I could keep up with the story very easily! I can't wait to read more and find out what happens on the planet of lions!
Your storybook site has a really striking design. That big lion emblem picture on the cover page really captures the attention. As for your introduction, it’s one of the more enjoyable ones of the intros I’ve read so far. Making the mysterious narrator interact with the audience in a mocking manner gives the introduction a lot of entertainment value. It also gives the storybook as a whole a little mystery as the readers try to figure out who of the characters that will appear will end up being the narrator (assuming he’s of a mind to make an appearance).
The first story was really good too. You had to cover a lot of ground so you didn’t have a whole lot of time for detailed descriptions, but you managed to get by with a few good descriptive tidbits here and there like when you briefly detailed Swift Shadow’s appearance. I also enjoyed how you wrote Swift Shadow’s dialogue. Since he’s a cat, he says words like “kin-mates” and “nesting place” rather than siblings and bed. While a small detail, it makes a big difference in supplying the world and its feline inhabitants with a sense of uniqueness. This story looks like it will go many exciting places. I hope you’re having fun writing, because I’m having fun reading!
You are an excellent writer! I am a huge fan of your storybook idea. I love that the stories have the cats as the heroes and the villains as either humans or dogs. I think this is such a fun idea. I like that you are telling it in what I think is third-person storyteller style. Even if I'm wrong, I still like the style you are using. I love the snarky, cat-like tone of the narrator too. It makes me think of all the snarky cat memes I've seen on the internet. Have you seen the Depressed Cat Diaries on YouTube? If not, I think you would definitely like it, it's so great.
Your home page is awesome too. I love the image of the lion. It's definitely Planet of the Apes-esque and just very pleasing to look at. I also like that your theme is desert and sand, I think that really ties in with your story. The mystic mountain image is really cool too and very cat-like if that makes sense. The font and color choices are nice too. They aren't overwhelming and don't take away from the story or the awesome images you used.
When you commented on my essay post for last week I took your suggestions into consideration. I went back to the blog post and decided that you were totally right, about the image placement, and that it did make more sense to have the cartoon at the top of the post. I could see that this allows the reader to know exactly what I am talking about. This is probably some of the best feedback I have received all semester! I do feel for your friend, who you mentioned in your comment, my mom is native filipino and although she has been here for over 20+ years there are still some aspects of our language that she has trouble with.
Sage, Thanks for you comment concerning my Storybook, Pride Cometh Before the Fall. They were helpful in reminding me to keep the voice of Death consistent in all of my stories. I would hate for him to sound one way in the introduction and completely different in another.
Sage, thanks so much for commenting on my storybook! I always love the posts that give me any kind of feedback or help into making my work better, and your suggestion to change the font was definitely helpful! Just because I know what the words say or like a font, does not mean everyone else will. So thanks for pointing that out!
Sage, Thank you so much for taking the time to read my storybook and leave comments about it. I am glad that you enjoyed my choice to use the Doctor as a narrator in my stories, and I really did use your advice. I had not actually decided which Doctor I would model my Doctor off of, but as soon as you suggested Tennent, I put up a picture of him on the page. Now when I am writing, I am trying to envision him telling the story. Thank you for your help!
Sage, I liked the color scheme and theme of your cover page a lot! The neutral colors are easy to look at and the fonts are easy to read. The lion emblem you selected looked really cool and I thought it fit in nicely. The only thing I might change about your cover page is how many times your name appears. ‘By Sage Harper’ shows up in the header, on top of the actual cover page, and in the sidebar. I think you could consider taking it off the top of the cover page because it would still be super visible, but that’s up to you!
I did not expect your story to take an intergalactic/futuristic turn, but I’m glad it did! That makes everything that much more exciting! I loved the image you used in your introduction and I thought you laid everything out clearly as far as where your stories were going to go.
I enjoyed your first story and I think you’re off to a great start! You write dialog really well! I thought it was interesting that your retelling was similar to our version of Little Red Riding Hood and I was amazed at how different you could (and did) make the story!
Hi, I’m from the Epics of India class! So I was very intrigued by your title, so I decided to give your storybook a chance and wow! I really like your premise. I like that your introduction gave a good summary of the setting and backdrop for your story. I also like that the narrator invites the reader in. However, the introduction does seem a little rushed. I’d love a little more description of wonder, or a little more sarcastic cynicism from the narrator to add some humor and a reason why he doesn’t delve too deep into the background. I love your coverpage picture. It’s really fun and unique and I just love lions. As for your storybook design, I think you need to make your navigation a smaller, non-cursive font. I think it’s just bad if a navigation link is longer than one line. I thought swift and shadow were two different stories, and that was obnoxious. I also think it’s kind of weird that you have so many different fonts and font sizes going on in one storybook. It’s makes everything a little disjointed whereas everything to come together in a way to seem more cohesive. Other than that, I really enjoyed it!
Hi Sage, I chose your storybook to comment on for extra credit this week! At first when I was looking through the list of storybooks to chose from, when I saw your title Planet of the Cats, I thought your storybook would literally be about cats because I know there is this weird obsession some people have with cats. Haha but I was glad to find out that your storybook is about lions. I think the title you chose was very creative, and that alone will draw the attention of readers. I like the color scheme and layout of your storybook. I think it is simple and pleasing to the eye. Also very easy to navigate! My goodness all the pictures you have added on your cover page, introduction, and first story are so awesome! What beautiful depictions of lions. I also like that you are writing your storybook in the future. What a cool concept. Great job and I can't wait to read more of your work!
Sage, I chose to read your first story in your Storybook as my one free choice this week. I chose your Storybook because I always liked reading your Storytelling assignments about the brother and sister bounty hunters. Your stories are always so creative, and I love the way they all tie together with the same protagonists. I had commented on your Storybook before when I read your introduction. I can see that you changed your navigation bar so that the introduction link just reads “Intro.” Whether this was because of my suggestion or not, the navigation bar looks fantastic. I really enjoyed the first adventure that we find Gregor and Sarah on. You did a great job of describing the panther when Sarah first saw him in the jungle, mentioning the specific details that Sarah noticed and would recognize later when she found the panther on her ship. I also like that she noticed not only physical differences between the panther and her brother, but also character differences. He would normally have a witty comeback where the panther remained silent. I also like that, while the story had an fitting end of its own, it also led into the stories that have yet to come in your Storybook.
Hey Sage! It looks like I wasn't the only one this week to chose your storybook as one of my free choices. I had just read a story from a portfolio that had a cat in it and thought that choosing yours would be fitting.
The picture on your cover page is really interesting. The patterns included on the lion's head made it feel like a tribal totem. I found different things in the patterns every time I looked at the picture. The color scheme of your storybook is very calming to me. The top of the web page reminds me of the sand in my feet at the beach I went to for spring break last year.
I really enjoyed the flow of writing in the introduction. As a bit of a science fiction fan, I was pulled in immediately. The way that the narrator interacts with the reader is done extremely well. I like the little tidbit of background information that you give the reader. I have a feeling about who the narrator is, but I don't want to say anything here.
I thought your Swift Shadow story was well done. I specifically enjoyed the banter back and forth between Swift Shadow and Sarah. I am really interested to see how the rest of this storybook turns out. Good luck with the next stories!!
Sage! I was so excited to be matched up with you for the storybook commenting assignment. Whenever I see your name I think FUN SPACE STORIES! Hopefully that isn't too creepy! haha
Right away I'm into your story because of the title. Planet of the Cats? I'd like to visit that planet. Or would I? We shall see.
I love that you keep the identity of the narrator a secret. I didn't even think about the narrator being an actual character until it was brought up. It really changed my whole view of the story so far. So there aren't just two characters to think about, but three! Some mysterious figure who is always there. Hmm....
So from the first story I'm assuming that all of your entries are going to be based off of cat-themed tales (heh... pun potential there)? That's a great idea and I can't wait to read more! Overall I think your writing is great. The dialogue is entertaining without seeming too forced or cheesy, which I think is important. There's only one spot in the story that I thought was a little off. "Particularly mustier" just doesn't really flow somehow, I think. Is it mustier or more musty? I have no clue. Either way, I think the particularly there just throws me off. If you left it out you'd be left with the same meaning as your original sentence, basically.
I love your layout and your color scheme and your theme. I must come back to read more!!
Sage, Your storybook is seriously awesome. I know I said this last time but I stand by it: you are such a good writer and storyteller. You use great details and really put the reader in the story. You give plenty of details without it being forced or confusing that I forget what I am reading about. Sarah and Gregor kind of remind me of Hansel and Gretel except instead of an evil witch, they have to worry about big cats! I thought this story sounded kind of familiar and then I read your Author's Note about it basically being based on the Chinese equivalent of Little Red Riding Hood. I also read The Panther a few weeks ago when we were in that unit but it actually took me a minute to realize that haha. Luckily Sarah is much smarter than the two girls in the original story and caught on much faster that that was not her real brother. I like that you changed up the story and didn't make it exactly like the original. It made it more suspenseful and made me want to keep reading until the end. I definitely want to come back and read what else happens.
The picture of the large lion head is awesome. It makes me think of the Lion King. I find it very interesting to see that you do not let us know who is telling the story. Is it perhaps one of the characters who found the book? Or someone they encountered during their journeys? I will stay tuned to find out! That is a fantastic way to build suspense and keep the reader’s attention. “In this book here” seems somewhat out of place. It is funny that in your story we are new to space travel in 2185 whereas in the 80’s we thought we would be conquering the far reaches of the universe by 2050. I liked the style of your story and the attitude you gave the cat. It seemed as though the cat was speaking in the way that I would imagine a cat’s attitude to be. The way you left the story open ended on what happens to them with the shape-shifting cat also keeps me on the edge of my seat and I wonder if the cat will take care of them or if it will become a trickster like in so many of our other stories. Your author’s note cleared that up somewhat, but you still have options as to how the cat can treat them. Great job!
Hi Sage, I really enjoyed your storybook, it is probably the most original and most imaginative entry I have seen so far. It also combines humor and a sense of adventure very smoothly as well. It reminds me of some of my favorite movies like Indiana Jones or even the new Guardians of the Galaxy. You also do a good job in making your characters more three dimensional instead of just a couple names. I am very interested to see how you blend the stories together as well because the way it looks like you are setting up the stories makes it look like you are going to have one large, continuous story instead of the usually three somewhat disconnected or spaced out chronologically stories that most of the storybooks have been. As for improvements, the only suggestion I have is to to fix up your text throughout the site. Maybe standardize your font size between the stories because the introduction's type is very large and your swift shadow page is about the right size. Also, the cursive font for the side navigation is a bit difficult to read. However, that's all I could think of. I'm going to have to make sure to read your storybook when you add more stories. Good job!
Sage, Wow! Your storybook is quite impressive. As soon as I saw the template you chose and the font style I couldn't wait to actually read the stories you created! The pictures you chose are mesmerizing, I love them! And they are perfect visual aids to go along with your futuristic story. Great job! I really enjoyed the introduction; you did an excellent job of drawing in the audience. I was already asking questions in my head before I even finished reading it. I love the futuristic spin on this storybook; it’s a nice change from all the stories we read from the ancient/ mythical time periods. I also enjoyed how you left the narrator a secret. I think it adds the perfect touch of mystery to your story. In your first story, I found your author’s note to be extremely helpful. I’m glad you related the original story to our story of ‘The Little Red Riding Hood’ That connect really helped me understand the story. I think you chose a great spin-off of the story. I think you did a great job with the dialogue between Sarah and Gregor, it really helped the story come to life. I cannot wait to read more about their adventures! Great job!
Sage, I decided to read your page as my bonus storybook this week. The reason why I chose you was because your title interested me so much and I just had to read your story. Your coverpage is awesome! It might just be the best one I have seen yet. Where did you get that picture? It looks so godlike and mysterious. I also like the background. It is a nice contrast to your picture and also the desert sand compliments the lion. Planet of the Cats is a great title. It sounds like the story will be about a kingdom of lions. It reminds me of the movie Planet of the Apes. Your intro was great. I cannot wait to read the Book of Lyras. Your story seems so interesting to me. I love stories that are set in the future, especially with space travel! It makes me wonder if we will ever have the chance to do such thing. Sarah is the go-getter! Thing got pretty intense when she encountered Swift Shadow. You did a great job at describing Swift! You put vivid pictures in my head of what she looks like. I wonder where they got all of that gold and jewelry.
Sage, I was drawn to your storybook because I love cats and was interested in how you incorporated them into your stories. The voice you use in your introduction is really unique. I really liked when you wrote "Well, discovery isn’t quite the right word when it comes to these two… Commandeered? I supposed that will have to work. Yes," You use such a unique voice in the writing that I really enjoyed. You also execute the writing style in allowing it to flow. I have a suggestion about the sentence that reads "The book, I shall start there." I feel like a comma might not be the best punctuation. Maybe a colon or semicolon. I am not sure but when I read it I was a tad confused. I also love how you interrupt the words and you can see how the narrator is thinking. It really follows the thought process and how we normally speak.
Upon starting your first story I was impressed with how well you wrote the dialogue. I did not find any grammar mistakes, which, I will admit I struggle with punctuating dialogue in a story. You captured the personality of the cat through his language and I could really grasp a sense of his arrogance. I especially like your description that "The cat’s voice was as smooth as its coat." You end the story at a great point to transition it to the next story where the kids get to explore the land where the cat lives. After reading your Author's note, I was impressed with how creative you were in adapting your story from the original Panther story. By having the panther not kill the brother and sister, it allows you to develop the story further. I can't wait to see where the cat leads them to and what they discover.
Wow Sage, great start to your storybook! To start, I would like to say that your cover page was great! I liked the graphic you chose, and I thought it was very visually appealing. As far as the introduction is concerned, it was very well written. I liked the plot line and I thought it was very interesting. Your first story was also very good, as was your second one. I had read the Chinese fairy tale that you based your first one off of, and I was impressed with the changes you made to relate it to your overall theme. I especially liked that you didn't kill anyone, because that was one thing I wasn't a fan of in the actual story. Plus, not killing anyone contributed to the overall plot and direction you were needing to go in order to continue your story. Your second story was also very good, even though the lead up to the actual story took a while. You may want to consider expanding that part a little bit so that way it isn't rushed through. I understand if you can't though because the entire story is already quite long. Overall, I liked what you did with your storybook and think you're doing a great job! Keep it up!!
Your cover page is really neat. As in, REALLY neat. That emblem is fantastic, it really sets the tone and makes me excited for what the stories are going to be. Absolutely great job.
Introduction - IT HAPPENS IN SPACE!!!! SUPER EXCITED! Your writing is superb, I laughed the whole way through. Especially with that “commandeered” bit, very clever! Your writing style is very reminiscent of Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is his most famous work) and just makes me even more pumped for the stories.
The first story is very well done. I absolutely loved the subtle play between the panther and Sarah, and the clever way you snuck in the classic dialog from the Big Bad Wolf. The transforming cats is really neat also, a very cool story element. Also, your word choices for the panther are simply sublime - “big retractable claws” - genius.
The second story is just as entertaining. You’ve got one wrong word (saying “all of Lion’s ancestors had the power to shift” instead of descendants) but everything else is spot on. Once again, the word choices that show just how alien the cats are are spot on. The phonetics you add in are very easy to understand (hard to do - kudos). The retold story is wonderful and flows very naturally. Also, I love the bomb you dropped at the end - how humans left this cat planet for another!
This is all great and I can’t wait to see what you come up with next! Keep up the good work!
Sage, I was excited to see you in my group this week! I remembered visiting your storybook a couple weeks ago and was interested to see what you’ve added in the meantime! As I’ve already commented on your cover page, introduction, and first story, I’ll just go ahead and comment on your second story this week. From the beginning, your use of adjectives was really great! I really enjoyed your descriptions in the first paragraph. Your knack for descriptive language and adjectives continues throughout the story. I especially enjoyed your description here: “Strange little huts spotted the large clearing, holes lined with large leaves and filled with freshly caught meat sat in the center, moss bundles soaked with water sat next to some of the nests…”
I thought the story you added of how lions became able to shape shift was pretty intriguing! I didn’t mind that it took you a while to set up your retelling. In fact, I think this helped make the entire thing more developed. I also liked how you ended your story on a suspenseful note. Cliffhangers can be frustrating at times, but the suspense they build will make readers want to come back! Good job!
I have already read your intro and first story, and absolutely loved both the idea and the storyline! I was excited to read your second story and was not the least bit disappointed. Your second story was absolutely entrancing! It kept my attention the entire time, and I could picture everything that was occurring in the story. The detail was fantastic, and when the loin turned into a man, I was completely caught off guard. I do like that you had the lion explain how they could turn into a human, and the story about it was very well written and intriguing in itself. I also liked how you including the reactions of the siblings towards the lion, it was slightly amusing. The ending was also a surprise! I think it definitely leaves the reader hanging and makes the reader feel the need to read the next story! Also, the picture you chose was gorgeous. I love the white lion, and I think it fits the story line perfectly. Your story was so entertaining; it definitely kept my attention the whole time and I look forward to reading the rest of your storybook! It’s going to turn out wonderfully!
Your storybook was my free choice this week! I was browsing through the list of books and the planet of the cats definitely jumped out at me. Your blog is set up great! I like the colors and the the fonts that you used. Your blog is very aesthetically pleasing, which is awesome.
Your introduction was awesome! I was the right amount of confused, perplexed, and intrigued. This is a story topic that I would have never ever thought of so I am definitely intrigued by the introduction. I love that the storybook will tell several different smaller stories within it.
The first story of your storybook was awesome! I love your writing style so much. The story really flowed nicely and I loved that it was a new take on the story of Little Red Riding Hood. It was not how I thought it was going to be and I loved the plot twist that you put into this story.
Your second story was also really great. I liked that you took the best parts of the original story and used them to tell your story. It was an awesome retelling and I can't wait to read the rest of your storybook.
Nice find on the image you chose for your coverpage. The mosaic pattern is a refreshing change from what I have seen in a lot of coverpages. Well, perhaps it isn't mosaic, but it's close enough as a description.
One of the biggest compliments I can give you is that you have done a great job at created a voice for your narrator. I can sense the personality behind the words you have written, and I like a bit of the foreshadowing you include in the introduction. For example, I have a feeling that the narrator is a cat him- or herself! The only thing that stood out as awkward in the introduction was the use of the word "commandeered." That verb evokes the taking of something that can be driven or occupied. The final decision is up to you; I just wanted to offer my suggestion.
You've done a great job of introducing a new character in your first story. I love the interplay between Sarah and Swift Shadow. One of my favorite lines is "The cat's voice was a smooth as his coat." If you're looking for things to improve, I would consider looking for areas in which you can choose a better word. For example, I still think commandeered seems a little awkward. Other than that, great work!
Hey Sage! So this is my first time visiting your storybook page! I chose your storybook as my free choice this week because of the very curious title. When I first read it I could not help but think of all the strange space cat shirts that I see students wearing on campus. I was relieved to see a very artistic depiction of a lion as your cover page image instead though! I love the very African-like color scheme that you are using. It looks fantastic!
After reading your introduction and seeing that space is indeed included in your stories, the space kitty T-shirt is definitely back in my mind again, haha! Other than that, I thought you did an excellent job of making me want to read your stories and discover who the narrator is! Judging by the hint that the narrator is curious and straight to the point, I have a slight feeling that he/she will also be a cat. The sassiness and comment about possibly revealing his/her identity if he/she grows to like the reader more is also a nice hint towards the narrator being a cat!
Overall, I think that you did a wonderful job and I look forward to getting the chance to read your stories in the future! Enjoy the rest of your week!
First off I have to say I like how your topic plays off of Planet of the Apes, very cute. Your introduction was fantastic. What I really enjoyed was how your narrator spoke directly to the audience. I was not wondering who it was until you asked, and now I am thinking that it might be Sarah or Gregor now that they are old and their adventure is complete, similar to the old woman in the Titanic movie. And the sassiness of the narrator is hilarious! I could really hear your voice in those last two paragraphs. I was unaware that Sarah and Gregor were siblings until I read the first story. That was a little confusing. I found that you did an excellent job in your dialogue. It can be challenging to have a good communication patter between your characters, but I could tell that you captured that with great ease. It is pretty cool that they made friends with one of the cats. I for sure thought that the cats would try and kill them, but now I can tell that the cats actually have some compassion for the humans even though it was initially believe that the cats hated humans. Great Job!
The colors on your site are good. They words are easy to read and the pictures are really cool! My favorite picture is on your introduction. I like the sci-fi and cat mixture you have going on in that picture because it definitely goes perfectly with your story.
As for your introduction, it is very well written. While reading it, I can also tell that you put a lot of thought into it as well. I like the humor you added to the introduction because this is the first passage readers see on your site. It is very inviting and entertaining, but I don’t think your introduction explains what your storybook is really about. Of course we can tell that it is about cats on a different planet, but what specifically about these cats? What is so special about these cats on a different planet?
After reading your first story, it is also very well written. However, your story is a bit of a stretch from the original. I did not read the original story, but from your author’s note, I do not really see a connection between the two. I saw this first story as basically another introduction story. As I do not think this story relates to the original, I still really enjoyed it! It has great descriptions and the characters have great dialogue. You definitely add life to each of the characters. You also included your humor into this story, which definitely made me want to read more. Your second story is also very good. I like how you worked with the original to fit with your storybook plot. I can see a much clearer relation between the original and your version in your second story. I also like how you end one story to set up the next. It is a great transition between each story.
Overall, I think your idea is great and your writing is very good. I can tell that you put a lot of thought into your storybook. However, I don’t really understand what your storybook is about other than cats that can shape shift, but I only got that from reading your stories. It would be nice if you added a small snippet about that to your introduction.
Hello Sage, First off I really like your title of your story book! Any storybook about cats is an awesome storybook. Your whole site and images you used are really eye catching especially your cover photo. You can tell you put a lot of thought into creating this site. Reading your introduction makes me want to read the rest of your storybook even more. You wrote enough to get the reader interested but also didn’t provide too many details to give away anything. The idea about writing about a bounty hunter duo is a really creative and unique idea. I like how you gave both characters a lot of dialogue, it helps me understand the story more. Giving the cat dialogue and personality definitely makes this story a more interesting read. Your image you chose for this story fits perfectly! The colors are so vivid and entrancing. Just by reading your first story I can tell the rest of your storybook will equally be as good. Your style of writing is very interesting and makes for a really good story. Good job and keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your storybook soon!
I decided to come back to your Storybook to take a look at your second story! As I mentioned before, I love you how treat the description of both Fides and Swift Shadow. Plus, you create an interesting difference between the way the cats speak and the way Gregor and Sarah speak. For example, Swift Shadow uses the word "kin-mates" where "kin" would suffice in English. While I am not sure if it was your intention, it goes in parallel with Fides' relative difficulty in pronouncing Gregor and Sarah's names.
As a reader, one question came to mind during the part of the story that includes the "retelling." Why is Lion about resume his original form just through the act of remembering his distinct features? I could easily see Gregor or Sarah asking this question themselves, and it might be a good way of adding some explanation to your story.
To end, here are just a few suggestions about the writing:
Be sure you are being consistent with the capitalization of your characters. In your first paragraph, you have both "Swift Shadow" and "Swift shadow."
You might try changing the placement of "eventually" in the first part of your story. In both cases, you use the same word in the same exact place.
Other than that, I love the plot. Keep up the good work!
You’ve done a great job creating an overarching story arc and implementing characters from myths like “Lion Who Took a Woman’s Shape” (you forgot to add the “a” into the title of the story in your Author’s Note by the way). It’s a very cool approach to a Storybook, and allows you to stretch your creative wings a bit more. The Storybook is a really fun and adventure-filled read. I like how you have a short story approach to your writing rather than the less tell more show style that is more common in other Storybooks (understandably given that word count limitations don’t exactly make it easy to write stories in such a way). The attention to detail is good, and your verbiage in particular is excellent. Descriptive phrases like how Fides “stalked out of the cave” and “collapsed” onto his litter really enhance the appeal of your story and do a good job emphasizing the king’s feline nature.
I also really like how you’ve continued to make a point of distinguishing the cat culture from the human culture. Your emphasis on Swift Shadow’s submissive behavior in front of Fides paints a good picture of the cat’s hierarchal social structure that emphasizes submitting to the Alpha as appropriate. I also really appreciate your continued emphasis on the different speech pattern of the cats. I’m definitely planning on reading your Storybook all the way through, and look forward to seeing where the protagonists’ adventures take them next.
Sage, I chose your storybook to read for the final week of Storybook comments because I loved reading your storybook the first time and I want to see how the story will play out. They cite still looks fantastic and all of the navigation links are working great. You’ve created something awesome with your bounty hunter siblings and their adventure to the Planet of the Cats. One thing that I am truly impressed with in your storybook is your ability to string together stories that are essentially unrelated and retell them in a way that puts them all in one continuous story. “Swift Shadow” is based on a Chinese fairy tale and “The King” is based on a South African folk tale; these stories are from two separate cultures, yet your put them into your grand story seamlessly. After reading the third story, “War”, I am very curious how you will end the storybook. You mentioned that the siblings made a copy of the book, so that might be important. Also, the scar on the tale of Fides seems significant. I’ll probably stop by your storybook in a couple of weeks just to see how it all turns out. Overall, you’ve done a great job so far!
Hi Sage! What an interesting storybook. I'm a total cat person so I absolutely loved all your stories! I thought you did a great job of retelling all the stories and keeping similar themes and ideas throughout. I love the idea that there is a cat-run world that fights with wolves and jackals. I think you did a great job of writing!
I really enjoyed reading all of your stories. You did a great job of setting up the scene and explaining the plot and the characters. I think your theme and color scheme are great too! Plus you have good photos as a part of your stories. I like how Sarah and Gregor got pulled into a cat war and survived! I think it was a great way to pull together all the stories into a coherent plot line.
Overall, I think you did a great job retelling your stories and creating your overall storybook. Thanks for sharing!
Hi again Sage, I enjoyed reading your storybook again and I am glad I decided to come back. I had to reread everything since I have not read yours for a long time but I'm glad that I did, because it was just as enjoyable the second time around. For both of the stories that I hadn't read I was very impressed with how well the stories flow together and develop from your first entry. I also liked how you incorporated your source materials into your storybook for "The King" and "War." You had a story within a story going on for both of them and did your own thing without having to follow the source material and instead use it for background information. The one thing I hope to see in the next entry of your storybook is an inclusion of your two protagonists, Sarah and Gregor. It feels like for the most part they aren't necessary characters but instead are narrators for the cats' story instead of your original narrator who is the library curator. However you have it set up for them to be bigger parts of your next story so I'll be sure to swing back by when its done. Great job!
As with the other stories, “War” was a fun read. One thing I would suggest (more of my opinion than a suggestion really) is adding a section break indicator after Sarah smiles and says “Let’s go” to better clarify that you are transitioning from one scene to the next. It’s not absolutely necessary since you transition pretty well in the subsequent sentence, but a section break of some kind is pretty standard in most fiction when moving to a new scene.
Once again I’m loving the world building that goes on in this latest story. This time you introduce the idea of territorial conflicts between the planet’s different inhabitants with the whole spat between Angel’s family and Jackal. Just with this little instance of conflict you’ve created the feeling of a kind of feudal world where war can break out at any moment. It will be interesting to see if you develop this further in the next story.
I was also curious to see the role Shadow Claws would play in the second scene, but he didn’t show up, so I’m hoping he’ll make an appearance in your final story. I’m really looking forward to seeing how the revelation of humans on the planet will play out amongst the inhabitants.
Hello again! I loved the story so much I decided to revisit it this week, hoping to have the entire, rounded-out tale to read this time. I see it’s not quite finished yet but that’s alright. It’s a really busy time of year and everyone’s kind of running around like chickens with their heads cut off. The storybook looks great like it did last time, still thrilling and inventive. I can’t get over how much I love your world and the unique character of it all, not to mention the absolutely fabulous subtle references to other works of science fiction. The third story is where it loses a bit of steam however. It felt a little bit rushed. That could simply be because it’s a battle in a thousand words when the rest of the storybook has been largely exploratory and exposition for your world. I was kind of confused on the whole thing, and the reasoning behind the battle. Perhaps adding some more info on dogs vs cats would help (considering I was under the impression only cats lived here). Or taking more time on the original story explanation in the author’s note would help too. It’s just a bit rusty, little revision and it’ll be just fine.
Hi, Sage! I'm back because I just can't keep myself from going to your story every time I see the title. Cats!
I honestly don't remember what the theme looked like the first time I visited, so if it's the same I'm totally going to repeat myself. But I really like the way it looks! the picture on the cover page looks like a really awesome tattoo and the font choice and colors are very nice.
Now that I'm reading everything over again, I caught a part that might be helpful for you to look at: "I think you’re right, brother! Okay, so you see that clearing just there? We need to land in that one." I feel like the dialogue should have been broken up a bit here. Maybe explain that the character is pointing at something within the book. For example: "I think you're right, brother!" She points to the page. "Okay, so you see that clearing just there?" That's a super rough example but I hope it helps show what I mean.
Also, I love the pictures you chose for each part but I think it'd be nice to see them either before or immediately after the story rather than at the very bottom after all of the source info and whatnot. That's just an aesthetic thing, though. I could just be weird that way! :)
I see a couple of typos in War but those should be simple enough to find and fix! You've done a great job and I can't wait for the conclusion to your tale! :D
I really enjoyed reading through your storybook! I was intrigued by the title when I was looking through the class list. "Planet of the Cats?" I thought. "Like Planet of the Apes with cats?" Haha!
When I first got to the home page, I was very impressed with your design. I love the image of the lion! It reminds me of an Incan or Mayan etching. Many of the other storybooks that I have read have had very small images on their home page; I like that yours is nice and large and fills up a lot of the screen.
The introduction to your storybook is so intriguing! Bounty hunters, and not just any bounty hunters, but bounty hunters in space. How cool! The mention of the Book of Lyras adds a lot of mystery to the story and makes me very curious to what could be contained inside.
The first story of swift shadow only left me even more curious about this planet and its inhabitants. Your use of the dialogue in the story was superb. The vernacular of the two central characters really seemed fitting for a couple of rough bounty hunters. I can't wait to see what happens next!
Sage, I love the look of your overall storybook. The color scheme is nice and easy on the eyes and it reminds me of a desert like feel to it. The adventure in the intro sets us up to really get interested in the theme and embark on our own journey to the Planet of the Cats! I can just imagine a wise old cat being the narrator here with hating curiosity and saying it gets them in trouble. That’s just like a cat.
So on your first story, I love Gregor and Sarah’s excitement to get to that land. It caught me off guard when the cat Sarah found was covered in beautiful jewelry. I was surprised too when the cat could morph! Very awesome! I am excited to hear more about this clan of cats so I’m going to keep reading.
I wish humans could be as graceful as cats. I wonder how the book managed to get to Earth. It made me laugh when the King asked about Sarah’s swords. You have done a wonderful job putting the curiosity of the cats into the writing. Introducing other animal clans to create chaos is a wonderful way to include more mythology as well. You have done an excellent job.
Hi Sage, I'm finishing up the class so I decided to swing by your storybook as one of the last internet assignments. I enjoyed your entry yet again, you've consistently made good entries into your storybook. I laughed at the beginning when you were describing Gregor playing with the tiger cubs. I'll play and rough house with my kitten, Skippy, and when he brings out his claws I get panicky as well. I like how you concluded the story with a back story instead of adding another actiony story, I felt like mine never never really concluded that well because I never really had the plot progression that you had with the exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and denouement that stories need. You tied things up nicely and I liked how you ended up making Swift Shadow be your narrator the whole time. I agree with you though that I wish you had a bit more time to develop Swift Shadow into being the narrator, it was a tad too fast of a transition. It also confused me a bit since you had him say in the introduction that he was curator of the universe's largest library. Really not big issues though because I was trying to make the 200 word count. Great job and good luck with finals.
Sage, I chose to read your storybook once again for the final week of storybook comments. I really enjoyed your stories before, and I needed to see how it would all end. Also, congratulations on winning Best Overall Storybook! I voted for yours and hoped that you would win. I enjoyed your final entry in your storybook. I thought it was great how your included the Brer Rabbit story into this installment. Where as in other stories you made the entire story based on one you had read in class, this story was told directly by a character in your Storybook. Having the king tell the story to the little cubs added depth to the character; not only was he a strong ruler, but he was also a caring one. I am glad you told us how he got his scar, too. It was something I noted when I read “The King.” I was not disappointed with the story of how he got his scar, so I am glad you did not forget it. I also wish that you had more time to expand Swift Shadow part in the Storybook, but revealing Swift Shadow as the narrator was a nice surprise.
Sage, you have my curiosity piqued. First, let me say that anything run by cats immediately gets my approval. I adore cats. Planet of the Apes was fantastic, but Planet of the Cats will be martifilous!!! (yes, it’s my own made up word) I’m curious as to how Sarah and Gregor managed to commandeer the Book of Lyras. I am also anxious to see what kind of mischief these two get into and how they get out of it.
ReplyDeleteA question I’m dying to ask is…..Is the narrator a cat? He certainly seems to have the same attitude as a cat, ornery yet lovable, bossy but might have a sweet spot on the inside. We all know dogs have owners and cats have employees, so this narrator certainly fits the bill.
I love how you have made all the jesters and fools dogs, and since it’s a storybook centered on the lives of cats, of course the humans are their jesters as well!!
Finally, I adore your cover page. The lion mosaic is beautiful. It almost looks African!
This was a really great introduction, Sage. I will definitely be back to find out what’s gonna go down with Sarah and Gregor and the little ornery storyteller. Nice work!!
Sage, I like the design and layout of your site thus far! The lion picture on your home page is a unique touch!!
ReplyDeleteAs far as your introduction, when I began to read it I thought how much more character it would have if you used a narrator or a first person voice. Then it came to the point where the narrator started to talk about themselves. So, I think it is great you are using one, but one suggestion I could make to you is maybe introduce your narrator first and then go into the details about Sarah and Gregor Strike. I feel like that would really pull readers into your site and make them more curious and interested right off the bat.
I also like the bit you used about the "hating curiosity" because that coupled with the titled of the site give a good indication your narrator is a cat! The tone of your narrator is very sassy and condescending, which I think is a very fitting tone for your narrator - so good job there!
I also think you have a great lead in into your first story, as well as the photo you used for it! Your graphics are looking really great!!
Overall, I think you are off to a great start on your storybook!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSage,
ReplyDeleteI’m so impressed with the way your pages look. I feel like I do alright with the stories I write for this course, but I don’t have the blogger know-how to make it all come together nicely and look great. Your storybook looks fantastic, though!
When I read your title, I thought, ‘Aw, our bounty hunter friends are going to play with some kittens!’ Then I saw your image on your coverpage. I was then corrected into believing that some danger would probably be involved as the “Planet of Cats” probably contains some dangerous felines.
Either way, this Book of Lyras sounds fantastic. My wife and I are pretty fond of our cat, Hamlet, so we are fans of his kind. A storybook full of stories of cats and their adventures sounds fantastic. I’m definitely curious to see what the bounty hunters do with the information from the book the “commandeered.”
Side note, is the narrator a cat himself? The line about curiosity getting him in trouble led me to that conclusion, since cats often get into trouble due to their overactive curiosity.
Last thing: I did notice that on your sidebar navigation panel thingy the Introduction link does not spell out the whole word. It just says “Introd…” Perhaps it would be best to modify this so that it will show the whole word, or shorten it to say “Intro.” Just a suggestion.
Overall, I think your storybook looks great and will be a lot of fun to read.
Hey, Sage!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I have to say the storybook idea you have come up with is very creative and unique! I liked the style of your introduction. It was a nice combination of the narrator simply narrating as well as interacting with the reader. I thought it was very humorous towards the end when the narrator was almost harassing the reader and calling us a little twerp!
Also, I really like all of the images you selected. They are each unique in their own way! While the image on the cover page is slightly intimidating, the images on the introduction and the first story almost remind me of something I would see on a t-shirt from Spencer’s or Hot Topic. Either way, I like them all!
As far as your first story goes, I think you did a very nice job. There was just enough detail to set the scenes, but not so much that it was overwhelming to read. I really enjoyed the way all the characters interacted with each other. Sarah and Gregor’s conversations and interactions with each other remind me of how my older brother and me treat each other! I also liked the dialogue back and forth between Sarah and Swift Shadow. You did a nice job breaking up their bantering questions so it was easy to keep track of exactly who was speaking.
Overall I think you did a nice job. I am definitely intrigued!
Sage, you have a really great storybook going! Firstly, I seriously love the homepage. It is wonderful how the colors contrast and the picture of the lion is fascinating! As for your intro, I thought it was great how the author is kind of sarcastic. I actually was wondering who exactly was telling this story, and I love the answer you gave! I think it really makes the reader want to finish out the book, if nothing else just to find out who the author is! Now I'm going to be trying to figure out who it is haha. I love the idea of having the planet of lions. I like the Planet of the Apes so much, and I feel like this may allude to it so that makes me really excited. You tell your initial story wonderfully by the way. I like the dialogue and I felt like you painted a really clear picture of what was going on, I followed it the whole way! The only thing I wish I had a little clearer picture of was the setting. I imagine it's a wooded area they landed in, but I'd like to know how it compares to our forested area, like is it a rainforest, or more of a savanna type setting, etc. Anyways, I was intrigued the entire time and I felt like I could keep up with the story very easily! I can't wait to read more and find out what happens on the planet of lions!
ReplyDeleteYour storybook site has a really striking design. That big lion emblem picture on the cover page really captures the attention. As for your introduction, it’s one of the more enjoyable ones of the intros I’ve read so far. Making the mysterious narrator interact with the audience in a mocking manner gives the introduction a lot of entertainment value. It also gives the storybook as a whole a little mystery as the readers try to figure out who of the characters that will appear will end up being the narrator (assuming he’s of a mind to make an appearance).
ReplyDeleteThe first story was really good too. You had to cover a lot of ground so you didn’t have a whole lot of time for detailed descriptions, but you managed to get by with a few good descriptive tidbits here and there like when you briefly detailed Swift Shadow’s appearance. I also enjoyed how you wrote Swift Shadow’s dialogue. Since he’s a cat, he says words like “kin-mates” and “nesting place” rather than siblings and bed. While a small detail, it makes a big difference in supplying the world and its feline inhabitants with a sense of uniqueness. This story looks like it will go many exciting places. I hope you’re having fun writing, because I’m having fun reading!
Sage,
ReplyDeleteYou are an excellent writer! I am a huge fan of your storybook idea. I love that the stories have the cats as the heroes and the villains as either humans or dogs. I think this is such a fun idea. I like that you are telling it in what I think is third-person storyteller style. Even if I'm wrong, I still like the style you are using. I love the snarky, cat-like tone of the narrator too. It makes me think of all the snarky cat memes I've seen on the internet. Have you seen the Depressed Cat Diaries on YouTube? If not, I think you would definitely like it, it's so great.
Your home page is awesome too. I love the image of the lion. It's definitely Planet of the Apes-esque and just very pleasing to look at. I also like that your theme is desert and sand, I think that really ties in with your story. The mystic mountain image is really cool too and very cat-like if that makes sense. The font and color choices are nice too. They aren't overwhelming and don't take away from the story or the awesome images you used.
Overall, great job!
Sage,
ReplyDeleteWhen you commented on my essay post for last week I took your suggestions into consideration. I went back to the blog post and decided that you were totally right, about the image placement, and that it did make more sense to have the cartoon at the top of the post. I could see that this allows the reader to know exactly what I am talking about. This is probably some of the best feedback I have received all semester! I do feel for your friend, who you mentioned in your comment, my mom is native filipino and although she has been here for over 20+ years there are still some aspects of our language that she has trouble with.
Thanks for your suggestions!
Sage,
ReplyDeleteThanks for you comment concerning my Storybook, Pride Cometh Before the Fall. They were helpful in reminding me to keep the voice of Death consistent in all of my stories. I would hate for him to sound one way in the introduction and completely different in another.
Sage, thanks so much for commenting on my storybook! I always love the posts that give me any kind of feedback or help into making my work better, and your suggestion to change the font was definitely helpful! Just because I know what the words say or like a font, does not mean everyone else will. So thanks for pointing that out!
ReplyDeleteSage,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking the time to read my storybook and leave comments about it. I am glad that you enjoyed my choice to use the Doctor as a narrator in my stories, and I really did use your advice. I had not actually decided which Doctor I would model my Doctor off of, but as soon as you suggested Tennent, I put up a picture of him on the page. Now when I am writing, I am trying to envision him telling the story. Thank you for your help!
Sage, I liked the color scheme and theme of your cover page a lot! The neutral colors are easy to look at and the fonts are easy to read. The lion emblem you selected looked really cool and I thought it fit in nicely. The only thing I might change about your cover page is how many times your name appears. ‘By Sage Harper’ shows up in the header, on top of the actual cover page, and in the sidebar. I think you could consider taking it off the top of the cover page because it would still be super visible, but that’s up to you!
ReplyDeleteI did not expect your story to take an intergalactic/futuristic turn, but I’m glad it did! That makes everything that much more exciting! I loved the image you used in your introduction and I thought you laid everything out clearly as far as where your stories were going to go.
I enjoyed your first story and I think you’re off to a great start! You write dialog really well! I thought it was interesting that your retelling was similar to our version of Little Red Riding Hood and I was amazed at how different you could (and did) make the story!
Hi, I’m from the Epics of India class! So I was very intrigued by your title, so I decided to give your storybook a chance and wow! I really like your premise. I like that your introduction gave a good summary of the setting and backdrop for your story. I also like that the narrator invites the reader in. However, the introduction does seem a little rushed. I’d love a little more description of wonder, or a little more sarcastic cynicism from the narrator to add some humor and a reason why he doesn’t delve too deep into the background. I love your coverpage picture. It’s really fun and unique and I just love lions. As for your storybook design, I think you need to make your navigation a smaller, non-cursive font. I think it’s just bad if a navigation link is longer than one line. I thought swift and shadow were two different stories, and that was obnoxious. I also think it’s kind of weird that you have so many different fonts and font sizes going on in one storybook. It’s makes everything a little disjointed whereas everything to come together in a way to seem more cohesive. Other than that, I really enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I really love your blog!
Hi Sage, I chose your storybook to comment on for extra credit this week! At first when I was looking through the list of storybooks to chose from, when I saw your title Planet of the Cats, I thought your storybook would literally be about cats because I know there is this weird obsession some people have with cats. Haha but I was glad to find out that your storybook is about lions. I think the title you chose was very creative, and that alone will draw the attention of readers. I like the color scheme and layout of your storybook. I think it is simple and pleasing to the eye. Also very easy to navigate! My goodness all the pictures you have added on your cover page, introduction, and first story are so awesome! What beautiful depictions of lions. I also like that you are writing your storybook in the future. What a cool concept. Great job and I can't wait to read more of your work!
ReplyDeleteSage,
ReplyDeleteI chose to read your first story in your Storybook as my one free choice this week. I chose your Storybook because I always liked reading your Storytelling assignments about the brother and sister bounty hunters. Your stories are always so creative, and I love the way they all tie together with the same protagonists. I had commented on your Storybook before when I read your introduction. I can see that you changed your navigation bar so that the introduction link just reads “Intro.” Whether this was because of my suggestion or not, the navigation bar looks fantastic.
I really enjoyed the first adventure that we find Gregor and Sarah on. You did a great job of describing the panther when Sarah first saw him in the jungle, mentioning the specific details that Sarah noticed and would recognize later when she found the panther on her ship. I also like that she noticed not only physical differences between the panther and her brother, but also character differences. He would normally have a witty comeback where the panther remained silent. I also like that, while the story had an fitting end of its own, it also led into the stories that have yet to come in your Storybook.
Hey Sage! It looks like I wasn't the only one this week to chose your storybook as one of my free choices. I had just read a story from a portfolio that had a cat in it and thought that choosing yours would be fitting.
ReplyDeleteThe picture on your cover page is really interesting. The patterns included on the lion's head made it feel like a tribal totem. I found different things in the patterns every time I looked at the picture. The color scheme of your storybook is very calming to me. The top of the web page reminds me of the sand in my feet at the beach I went to for spring break last year.
I really enjoyed the flow of writing in the introduction. As a bit of a science fiction fan, I was pulled in immediately. The way that the narrator interacts with the reader is done extremely well. I like the little tidbit of background information that you give the reader. I have a feeling about who the narrator is, but I don't want to say anything here.
I thought your Swift Shadow story was well done. I specifically enjoyed the banter back and forth between Swift Shadow and Sarah. I am really interested to see how the rest of this storybook turns out. Good luck with the next stories!!
Sage! I was so excited to be matched up with you for the storybook commenting assignment. Whenever I see your name I think FUN SPACE STORIES! Hopefully that isn't too creepy! haha
ReplyDeleteRight away I'm into your story because of the title. Planet of the Cats? I'd like to visit that planet. Or would I? We shall see.
I love that you keep the identity of the narrator a secret. I didn't even think about the narrator being an actual character until it was brought up. It really changed my whole view of the story so far. So there aren't just two characters to think about, but three! Some mysterious figure who is always there. Hmm....
So from the first story I'm assuming that all of your entries are going to be based off of cat-themed tales (heh... pun potential there)? That's a great idea and I can't wait to read more! Overall I think your writing is great. The dialogue is entertaining without seeming too forced or cheesy, which I think is important. There's only one spot in the story that I thought was a little off. "Particularly mustier" just doesn't really flow somehow, I think. Is it mustier or more musty? I have no clue. Either way, I think the particularly there just throws me off. If you left it out you'd be left with the same meaning as your original sentence, basically.
I love your layout and your color scheme and your theme. I must come back to read more!!
Sage,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is seriously awesome. I know I said this last time but I stand by it: you are such a good writer and storyteller. You use great details and really put the reader in the story. You give plenty of details without it being forced or confusing that I forget what I am reading about.
Sarah and Gregor kind of remind me of Hansel and Gretel except instead of an evil witch, they have to worry about big cats! I thought this story sounded kind of familiar and then I read your Author's Note about it basically being based on the Chinese equivalent of Little Red Riding Hood. I also read The Panther a few weeks ago when we were in that unit but it actually took me a minute to realize that haha. Luckily Sarah is much smarter than the two girls in the original story and caught on much faster that that was not her real brother. I like that you changed up the story and didn't make it exactly like the original. It made it more suspenseful and made me want to keep reading until the end. I definitely want to come back and read what else happens.
The picture of the large lion head is awesome. It makes me think of the Lion King. I find it very interesting to see that you do not let us know who is telling the story. Is it perhaps one of the characters who found the book? Or someone they encountered during their journeys? I will stay tuned to find out! That is a fantastic way to build suspense and keep the reader’s attention.
ReplyDelete“In this book here” seems somewhat out of place. It is funny that in your story we are new to space travel in 2185 whereas in the 80’s we thought we would be conquering the far reaches of the universe by 2050.
I liked the style of your story and the attitude you gave the cat. It seemed as though the cat was speaking in the way that I would imagine a cat’s attitude to be. The way you left the story open ended on what happens to them with the shape-shifting cat also keeps me on the edge of my seat and I wonder if the cat will take care of them or if it will become a trickster like in so many of our other stories. Your author’s note cleared that up somewhat, but you still have options as to how the cat can treat them. Great job!
Hi Sage,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your storybook, it is probably the most original and most imaginative entry I have seen so far. It also combines humor and a sense of adventure very smoothly as well. It reminds me of some of my favorite movies like Indiana Jones or even the new Guardians of the Galaxy. You also do a good job in making your characters more three dimensional instead of just a couple names. I am very interested to see how you blend the stories together as well because the way it looks like you are setting up the stories makes it look like you are going to have one large, continuous story instead of the usually three somewhat disconnected or spaced out chronologically stories that most of the storybooks have been. As for improvements, the only suggestion I have is to to fix up your text throughout the site. Maybe standardize your font size between the stories because the introduction's type is very large and your swift shadow page is about the right size. Also, the cursive font for the side navigation is a bit difficult to read. However, that's all I could think of. I'm going to have to make sure to read your storybook when you add more stories. Good job!
Sage,
ReplyDeleteWow! Your storybook is quite impressive. As soon as I saw the template you chose and the font style I couldn't wait to actually read the stories you created! The pictures you chose are mesmerizing, I love them! And they are perfect visual aids to go along with your futuristic story. Great job! I really enjoyed the introduction; you did an excellent job of drawing in the audience. I was already asking questions in my head before I even finished reading it. I love the futuristic spin on this storybook; it’s a nice change from all the stories we read from the ancient/ mythical time periods. I also enjoyed how you left the narrator a secret. I think it adds the perfect touch of mystery to your story. In your first story, I found your author’s note to be extremely helpful. I’m glad you related the original story to our story of ‘The Little Red Riding Hood’ That connect really helped me understand the story. I think you chose a great spin-off of the story. I think you did a great job with the dialogue between Sarah and Gregor, it really helped the story come to life. I cannot wait to read more about their adventures! Great job!
Sage,
ReplyDeleteI decided to read your page as my bonus storybook this week. The reason why I chose you was because your title interested me so much and I just had to read your story. Your coverpage is awesome! It might just be the best one I have seen yet. Where did you get that picture? It looks so godlike and mysterious. I also like the background. It is a nice contrast to your picture and also the desert sand compliments the lion. Planet of the Cats is a great title. It sounds like the story will be about a kingdom of lions. It reminds me of the movie Planet of the Apes.
Your intro was great. I cannot wait to read the Book of Lyras. Your story seems so interesting to me. I love stories that are set in the future, especially with space travel! It makes me wonder if we will ever have the chance to do such thing.
Sarah is the go-getter! Thing got pretty intense when she encountered Swift Shadow. You did a great job at describing Swift! You put vivid pictures in my head of what she looks like. I wonder where they got all of that gold and jewelry.
Sage, I was drawn to your storybook because I love cats and was interested in how you incorporated them into your stories. The voice you use in your introduction is really unique. I really liked when you wrote "Well, discovery isn’t quite the right word when it comes to these two… Commandeered? I supposed that will have to work. Yes," You use such a unique voice in the writing that I really enjoyed. You also execute the writing style in allowing it to flow. I have a suggestion about the sentence that reads "The book, I shall start there." I feel like a comma might not be the best punctuation. Maybe a colon or semicolon. I am not sure but when I read it I was a tad confused. I also love how you interrupt the words and you can see how the narrator is thinking. It really follows the thought process and how we normally speak.
ReplyDeleteUpon starting your first story I was impressed with how well you wrote the dialogue. I did not find any grammar mistakes, which, I will admit I struggle with punctuating dialogue in a story. You captured the personality of the cat through his language and I could really grasp a sense of his arrogance. I especially like your description that "The cat’s voice was as smooth as its coat." You end the story at a great point to transition it to the next story where the kids get to explore the land where the cat lives. After reading your Author's note, I was impressed with how creative you were in adapting your story from the original Panther story. By having the panther not kill the brother and sister, it allows you to develop the story further. I can't wait to see where the cat leads them to and what they discover.
Wow Sage, great start to your storybook! To start, I would like to say that your cover page was great! I liked the graphic you chose, and I thought it was very visually appealing. As far as the introduction is concerned, it was very well written. I liked the plot line and I thought it was very interesting. Your first story was also very good, as was your second one. I had read the Chinese fairy tale that you based your first one off of, and I was impressed with the changes you made to relate it to your overall theme. I especially liked that you didn't kill anyone, because that was one thing I wasn't a fan of in the actual story. Plus, not killing anyone contributed to the overall plot and direction you were needing to go in order to continue your story. Your second story was also very good, even though the lead up to the actual story took a while. You may want to consider expanding that part a little bit so that way it isn't rushed through. I understand if you can't though because the entire story is already quite long. Overall, I liked what you did with your storybook and think you're doing a great job! Keep it up!!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteHi Sage!
Your cover page is really neat. As in, REALLY neat. That emblem is fantastic, it really sets the tone and makes me excited for what the stories are going to be. Absolutely great job.
Introduction - IT HAPPENS IN SPACE!!!! SUPER EXCITED! Your writing is superb, I laughed the whole way through. Especially with that “commandeered” bit, very clever! Your writing style is very reminiscent of Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is his most famous work) and just makes me even more pumped for the stories.
The first story is very well done. I absolutely loved the subtle play between the panther and Sarah, and the clever way you snuck in the classic dialog from the Big Bad Wolf. The transforming cats is really neat also, a very cool story element. Also, your word choices for the panther are simply sublime - “big retractable claws” - genius.
The second story is just as entertaining. You’ve got one wrong word (saying “all of Lion’s ancestors had the power to shift” instead of descendants) but everything else is spot on. Once again, the word choices that show just how alien the cats are are spot on. The phonetics you add in are very easy to understand (hard to do - kudos). The retold story is wonderful and flows very naturally. Also, I love the bomb you dropped at the end - how humans left this cat planet for another!
This is all great and I can’t wait to see what you come up with next! Keep up the good work!
Sage, I was excited to see you in my group this week! I remembered visiting your storybook a couple weeks ago and was interested to see what you’ve added in the meantime! As I’ve already commented on your cover page, introduction, and first story, I’ll just go ahead and comment on your second story this week. From the beginning, your use of adjectives was really great! I really enjoyed your descriptions in the first paragraph. Your knack for descriptive language and adjectives continues throughout the story. I especially enjoyed your description here: “Strange little huts spotted the large clearing, holes lined with large leaves and filled with freshly caught meat sat in the center, moss bundles soaked with water sat next to some of the nests…”
ReplyDeleteI thought the story you added of how lions became able to shape shift was pretty intriguing! I didn’t mind that it took you a while to set up your retelling. In fact, I think this helped make the entire thing more developed. I also liked how you ended your story on a suspenseful note. Cliffhangers can be frustrating at times, but the suspense they build will make readers want to come back! Good job!
I have already read your intro and first story, and absolutely loved both the idea and the storyline! I was excited to read your second story and was not the least bit disappointed. Your second story was absolutely entrancing! It kept my attention the entire time, and I could picture everything that was occurring in the story. The detail was fantastic, and when the loin turned into a man, I was completely caught off guard. I do like that you had the lion explain how they could turn into a human, and the story about it was very well written and intriguing in itself. I also liked how you including the reactions of the siblings towards the lion, it was slightly amusing. The ending was also a surprise! I think it definitely leaves the reader hanging and makes the reader feel the need to read the next story! Also, the picture you chose was gorgeous. I love the white lion, and I think it fits the story line perfectly. Your story was so entertaining; it definitely kept my attention the whole time and I look forward to reading the rest of your storybook! It’s going to turn out wonderfully!
ReplyDeleteSage,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook was my free choice this week! I was browsing through the list of books and the planet of the cats definitely jumped out at me. Your blog is set up great! I like the colors and the the fonts that you used. Your blog is very aesthetically pleasing, which is awesome.
Your introduction was awesome! I was the right amount of confused, perplexed, and intrigued. This is a story topic that I would have never ever thought of so I am definitely intrigued by the introduction. I love that the storybook will tell several different smaller stories within it.
The first story of your storybook was awesome! I love your writing style so much. The story really flowed nicely and I loved that it was a new take on the story of Little Red Riding Hood. It was not how I thought it was going to be and I loved the plot twist that you put into this story.
Your second story was also really great. I liked that you took the best parts of the original story and used them to tell your story. It was an awesome retelling and I can't wait to read the rest of your storybook.
Great job!
Nice find on the image you chose for your coverpage. The mosaic pattern is a refreshing change from what I have seen in a lot of coverpages. Well, perhaps it isn't mosaic, but it's close enough as a description.
ReplyDeleteOne of the biggest compliments I can give you is that you have done a great job at created a voice for your narrator. I can sense the personality behind the words you have written, and I like a bit of the foreshadowing you include in the introduction. For example, I have a feeling that the narrator is a cat him- or herself! The only thing that stood out as awkward in the introduction was the use of the word "commandeered." That verb evokes the taking of something that can be driven or occupied. The final decision is up to you; I just wanted to offer my suggestion.
You've done a great job of introducing a new character in your first story. I love the interplay between Sarah and Swift Shadow. One of my favorite lines is "The cat's voice was a smooth as his coat." If you're looking for things to improve, I would consider looking for areas in which you can choose a better word. For example, I still think commandeered seems a little awkward. Other than that, great work!
Hey Sage! So this is my first time visiting your storybook page! I chose your storybook as my free choice this week because of the very curious title. When I first read it I could not help but think of all the strange space cat shirts that I see students wearing on campus. I was relieved to see a very artistic depiction of a lion as your cover page image instead though! I love the very African-like color scheme that you are using. It looks fantastic!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your introduction and seeing that space is indeed included in your stories, the space kitty T-shirt is definitely back in my mind again, haha! Other than that, I thought you did an excellent job of making me want to read your stories and discover who the narrator is! Judging by the hint that the narrator is curious and straight to the point, I have a slight feeling that he/she will also be a cat. The sassiness and comment about possibly revealing his/her identity if he/she grows to like the reader more is also a nice hint towards the narrator being a cat!
Overall, I think that you did a wonderful job and I look forward to getting the chance to read your stories in the future! Enjoy the rest of your week!
Hey Sage,
ReplyDeleteFirst off I have to say I like how your topic plays off of Planet of the Apes, very cute. Your introduction was fantastic. What I really enjoyed was how your narrator spoke directly to the audience. I was not wondering who it was until you asked, and now I am thinking that it might be Sarah or Gregor now that they are old and their adventure is complete, similar to the old woman in the Titanic movie. And the sassiness of the narrator is hilarious! I could really hear your voice in those last two paragraphs. I was unaware that Sarah and Gregor were siblings until I read the first story. That was a little confusing. I found that you did an excellent job in your dialogue. It can be challenging to have a good communication patter between your characters, but I could tell that you captured that with great ease. It is pretty cool that they made friends with one of the cats. I for sure thought that the cats would try and kill them, but now I can tell that the cats actually have some compassion for the humans even though it was initially believe that the cats hated humans. Great Job!
Sage,
ReplyDeleteThe colors on your site are good. They words are easy to read and the pictures are really cool! My favorite picture is on your introduction. I like the sci-fi and cat mixture you have going on in that picture because it definitely goes perfectly with your story.
As for your introduction, it is very well written. While reading it, I can also tell that you put a lot of thought into it as well. I like the humor you added to the introduction because this is the first passage readers see on your site. It is very inviting and entertaining, but I don’t think your introduction explains what your storybook is really about. Of course we can tell that it is about cats on a different planet, but what specifically about these cats? What is so special about these cats on a different planet?
After reading your first story, it is also very well written. However, your story is a bit of a stretch from the original. I did not read the original story, but from your author’s note, I do not really see a connection between the two. I saw this first story as basically another introduction story. As I do not think this story relates to the original, I still really enjoyed it! It has great descriptions and the characters have great dialogue. You definitely add life to each of the characters. You also included your humor into this story, which definitely made me want to read more. Your second story is also very good. I like how you worked with the original to fit with your storybook plot. I can see a much clearer relation between the original and your version in your second story. I also like how you end one story to set up the next. It is a great transition between each story.
Overall, I think your idea is great and your writing is very good. I can tell that you put a lot of thought into your storybook. However, I don’t really understand what your storybook is about other than cats that can shape shift, but I only got that from reading your stories. It would be nice if you added a small snippet about that to your introduction.
Hello Sage,
ReplyDeleteFirst off I really like your title of your story book! Any storybook about cats is an awesome storybook. Your whole site and images you used are really eye catching especially your cover photo. You can tell you put a lot of thought into creating this site. Reading your introduction makes me want to read the rest of your storybook even more. You wrote enough to get the reader interested but also didn’t provide too many details to give away anything. The idea about writing about a bounty hunter duo is a really creative and unique idea. I like how you gave both characters a lot of dialogue, it helps me understand the story more. Giving the cat dialogue and personality definitely makes this story a more interesting read. Your image you chose for this story fits perfectly! The colors are so vivid and entrancing. Just by reading your first story I can tell the rest of your storybook will equally be as good. Your style of writing is very interesting and makes for a really good story. Good job and keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your storybook soon!
I decided to come back to your Storybook to take a look at your second story! As I mentioned before, I love you how treat the description of both Fides and Swift Shadow. Plus, you create an interesting difference between the way the cats speak and the way Gregor and Sarah speak. For example, Swift Shadow uses the word "kin-mates" where "kin" would suffice in English. While I am not sure if it was your intention, it goes in parallel with Fides' relative difficulty in pronouncing Gregor and Sarah's names.
ReplyDeleteAs a reader, one question came to mind during the part of the story that includes the "retelling." Why is Lion about resume his original form just through the act of remembering his distinct features? I could easily see Gregor or Sarah asking this question themselves, and it might be a good way of adding some explanation to your story.
To end, here are just a few suggestions about the writing:
Be sure you are being consistent with the capitalization of your characters. In your first paragraph, you have both "Swift Shadow" and "Swift shadow."
You might try changing the placement of "eventually" in the first part of your story. In both cases, you use the same word in the same exact place.
Other than that, I love the plot. Keep up the good work!
You’ve done a great job creating an overarching story arc and implementing characters from myths like “Lion Who Took a Woman’s Shape” (you forgot to add the “a” into the title of the story in your Author’s Note by the way). It’s a very cool approach to a Storybook, and allows you to stretch your creative wings a bit more. The Storybook is a really fun and adventure-filled read. I like how you have a short story approach to your writing rather than the less tell more show style that is more common in other Storybooks (understandably given that word count limitations don’t exactly make it easy to write stories in such a way). The attention to detail is good, and your verbiage in particular is excellent. Descriptive phrases like how Fides “stalked out of the cave” and “collapsed” onto his litter really enhance the appeal of your story and do a good job emphasizing the king’s feline nature.
ReplyDeleteI also really like how you’ve continued to make a point of distinguishing the cat culture from the human culture. Your emphasis on Swift Shadow’s submissive behavior in front of Fides paints a good picture of the cat’s hierarchal social structure that emphasizes submitting to the Alpha as appropriate. I also really appreciate your continued emphasis on the different speech pattern of the cats. I’m definitely planning on reading your Storybook all the way through, and look forward to seeing where the protagonists’ adventures take them next.
Sage,
ReplyDeleteI chose your storybook to read for the final week of Storybook comments because I loved reading your storybook the first time and I want to see how the story will play out. They cite still looks fantastic and all of the navigation links are working great. You’ve created something awesome with your bounty hunter siblings and their adventure to the Planet of the Cats.
One thing that I am truly impressed with in your storybook is your ability to string together stories that are essentially unrelated and retell them in a way that puts them all in one continuous story. “Swift Shadow” is based on a Chinese fairy tale and “The King” is based on a South African folk tale; these stories are from two separate cultures, yet your put them into your grand story seamlessly.
After reading the third story, “War”, I am very curious how you will end the storybook. You mentioned that the siblings made a copy of the book, so that might be important. Also, the scar on the tale of Fides seems significant. I’ll probably stop by your storybook in a couple of weeks just to see how it all turns out.
Overall, you’ve done a great job so far!
Hi Sage! What an interesting storybook. I'm a total cat person so I absolutely loved all your stories! I thought you did a great job of retelling all the stories and keeping similar themes and ideas throughout. I love the idea that there is a cat-run world that fights with wolves and jackals. I think you did a great job of writing!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading all of your stories. You did a great job of setting up the scene and explaining the plot and the characters. I think your theme and color scheme are great too! Plus you have good photos as a part of your stories. I like how Sarah and Gregor got pulled into a cat war and survived! I think it was a great way to pull together all the stories into a coherent plot line.
Overall, I think you did a great job retelling your stories and creating your overall storybook. Thanks for sharing!
Hi again Sage,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your storybook again and I am glad I decided to come back. I had to reread everything since I have not read yours for a long time but I'm glad that I did, because it was just as enjoyable the second time around. For both of the stories that I hadn't read I was very impressed with how well the stories flow together and develop from your first entry. I also liked how you incorporated your source materials into your storybook for "The King" and "War." You had a story within a story going on for both of them and did your own thing without having to follow the source material and instead use it for background information. The one thing I hope to see in the next entry of your storybook is an inclusion of your two protagonists, Sarah and Gregor. It feels like for the most part they aren't necessary characters but instead are narrators for the cats' story instead of your original narrator who is the library curator. However you have it set up for them to be bigger parts of your next story so I'll be sure to swing back by when its done. Great job!
As with the other stories, “War” was a fun read. One thing I would suggest (more of my opinion than a suggestion really) is adding a section break indicator after Sarah smiles and says “Let’s go” to better clarify that you are transitioning from one scene to the next. It’s not absolutely necessary since you transition pretty well in the subsequent sentence, but a section break of some kind is pretty standard in most fiction when moving to a new scene.
ReplyDeleteOnce again I’m loving the world building that goes on in this latest story. This time you introduce the idea of territorial conflicts between the planet’s different inhabitants with the whole spat between Angel’s family and Jackal. Just with this little instance of conflict you’ve created the feeling of a kind of feudal world where war can break out at any moment. It will be interesting to see if you develop this further in the next story.
I was also curious to see the role Shadow Claws would play in the second scene, but he didn’t show up, so I’m hoping he’ll make an appearance in your final story. I’m really looking forward to seeing how the revelation of humans on the planet will play out amongst the inhabitants.
Hello again! I loved the story so much I decided to revisit it this week, hoping to have the entire, rounded-out tale to read this time. I see it’s not quite finished yet but that’s alright. It’s a really busy time of year and everyone’s kind of running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
ReplyDeleteThe storybook looks great like it did last time, still thrilling and inventive. I can’t get over how much I love your world and the unique character of it all, not to mention the absolutely fabulous subtle references to other works of science fiction.
The third story is where it loses a bit of steam however. It felt a little bit rushed. That could simply be because it’s a battle in a thousand words when the rest of the storybook has been largely exploratory and exposition for your world. I was kind of confused on the whole thing, and the reasoning behind the battle. Perhaps adding some more info on dogs vs cats would help (considering I was under the impression only cats lived here). Or taking more time on the original story explanation in the author’s note would help too. It’s just a bit rusty, little revision and it’ll be just fine.
Hi, Sage! I'm back because I just can't keep myself from going to your story every time I see the title. Cats!
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't remember what the theme looked like the first time I visited, so if it's the same I'm totally going to repeat myself. But I really like the way it looks! the picture on the cover page looks like a really awesome tattoo and the font choice and colors are very nice.
Now that I'm reading everything over again, I caught a part that might be helpful for you to look at: "I think you’re right, brother! Okay, so you see that clearing just there? We need to land in that one." I feel like the dialogue should have been broken up a bit here. Maybe explain that the character is pointing at something within the book.
For example: "I think you're right, brother!" She points to the page. "Okay, so you see that clearing just there?"
That's a super rough example but I hope it helps show what I mean.
Also, I love the pictures you chose for each part but I think it'd be nice to see them either before or immediately after the story rather than at the very bottom after all of the source info and whatnot. That's just an aesthetic thing, though. I could just be weird that way! :)
I see a couple of typos in War but those should be simple enough to find and fix! You've done a great job and I can't wait for the conclusion to your tale! :D
Hey Sage!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading through your storybook! I was intrigued by the title when I was looking through the class list. "Planet of the Cats?" I thought. "Like Planet of the Apes with cats?" Haha!
When I first got to the home page, I was very impressed with your design. I love the image of the lion! It reminds me of an Incan or Mayan etching. Many of the other storybooks that I have read have had very small images on their home page; I like that yours is nice and large and fills up a lot of the screen.
The introduction to your storybook is so intriguing! Bounty hunters, and not just any bounty hunters, but bounty hunters in space. How cool! The mention of the Book of Lyras adds a lot of mystery to the story and makes me very curious to what could be contained inside.
The first story of swift shadow only left me even more curious about this planet and its inhabitants. Your use of the dialogue in the story was superb. The vernacular of the two central characters really seemed fitting for a couple of rough bounty hunters. I can't wait to see what happens next!
Sage, I love the look of your overall storybook. The color scheme is nice and easy on the eyes and it reminds me of a desert like feel to it. The adventure in the intro sets us up to really get interested in the theme and embark on our own journey to the Planet of the Cats! I can just imagine a wise old cat being the narrator here with hating curiosity and saying it gets them in trouble. That’s just like a cat.
ReplyDeleteSo on your first story, I love Gregor and Sarah’s excitement to get to that land. It caught me off guard when the cat Sarah found was covered in beautiful jewelry. I was surprised too when the cat could morph! Very awesome! I am excited to hear more about this clan of cats so I’m going to keep reading.
I wish humans could be as graceful as cats. I wonder how the book managed to get to Earth. It made me laugh when the King asked about Sarah’s swords. You have done a wonderful job putting the curiosity of the cats into the writing. Introducing other animal clans to create chaos is a wonderful way to include more mythology as well. You have done an excellent job.
Hi Sage,
ReplyDeleteI'm finishing up the class so I decided to swing by your storybook as one of the last internet assignments. I enjoyed your entry yet again, you've consistently made good entries into your storybook. I laughed at the beginning when you were describing Gregor playing with the tiger cubs. I'll play and rough house with my kitten, Skippy, and when he brings out his claws I get panicky as well.
I like how you concluded the story with a back story instead of adding another actiony story, I felt like mine never never really concluded that well because I never really had the plot progression that you had with the exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and denouement that stories need. You tied things up nicely and I liked how you ended up making Swift Shadow be your narrator the whole time. I agree with you though that I wish you had a bit more time to develop Swift Shadow into being the narrator, it was a tad too fast of a transition. It also confused me a bit since you had him say in the introduction that he was curator of the universe's largest library. Really not big issues though because I was trying to make the 200 word count. Great job and good luck with finals.
Sage,
ReplyDeleteI chose to read your storybook once again for the final week of storybook comments. I really enjoyed your stories before, and I needed to see how it would all end. Also, congratulations on winning Best Overall Storybook! I voted for yours and hoped that you would win.
I enjoyed your final entry in your storybook. I thought it was great how your included the Brer Rabbit story into this installment. Where as in other stories you made the entire story based on one you had read in class, this story was told directly by a character in your Storybook. Having the king tell the story to the little cubs added depth to the character; not only was he a strong ruler, but he was also a caring one.
I am glad you told us how he got his scar, too. It was something I noted when I read “The King.” I was not disappointed with the story of how he got his scar, so I am glad you did not forget it. I also wish that you had more time to expand Swift Shadow part in the Storybook, but revealing Swift Shadow as the narrator was a nice surprise.